Real Men Don’t Sing: A Lie Some Guys Believe

By David Manner
Executive Director
Kansas-Nebraska Convention of Southern Baptists

Forty years ago, author and humorist, Bruce Feirstein wrote the book Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche: A Guidebook to All that is Truly Masculine. The author intended the book to be satirical that real men only eat steaks, wear flannel shirts, and never share their feelings. The result was that many men failed to recognize the satire and consequently, quiche consumption fell nationally confirming the stereotype.

Men choosing not to sing in worship services suggests that even Christ-following men are sometimes willing to ignore likes, responsibilities, and even a biblical calling in order to conform to a more masculine identity.

The psalmist wrote, “One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts” (Ps 145:4). So, it is the duty of every generation of Christ-followers, including men, to see to it that the next generation hears of the mighty acts of God and responds to those mighty acts in worship. One of the ways we proclaim those mighty acts is through our singing together as a church.

The responsibility of our generation is not just to teach the next generation how to worship, but instead, praise His works to the next generation. In other words, we are to praise Him (God) so continuously that the next generation gets it. Our calling is to model for the next generation how to worship. Men, husbands, and dads aren’t exempt from that responsibility. So, with that understanding, are we modeling for our children that real men don’t sing or that joyful noise singing is unreservedly what real men do?

Singing badly is not an excuse not to sing. When I was a child, the melodies I heard my dad sing in church weren’t close to the melodies the rest of our congregation was singing. But my dad was modeling for me and those seated near us that it wasn’t for us he was singing. And even though his tunes really were a joyful noise, they were sweet music to the ears of the Father. Refusing to publicly proclaim God’s praises through singing because of our lack of musical ability is pride.

Scripture is clear that singing is a significant response to God’s revelation (Ps 34:1; Ps 63:5; Eph 5:19; Col 3:15-17). When writing about the future of Jerusalem, the minor prophet Zephaniah wrote, “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing” (Zeph 3:17). If the Father is singing over us, then how can we keep from singing?

When we can’t find adequate words to express our responses to God’s revelation, Scripture says Jesus as our worship leader worships with us (Heb 8:1-2; 2:12). He is seated at the right hand of the throne of God interceding on our behalf. If Jesus is worshiping with us, then how can we keep from singing?

Theologian, evangelist, and leader of the revivalist movement known as Methodism, John Wesley said this about singing, “Above all sing spiritually. Have an eye to God in every word you sing. Aim at pleasing Him more than yourself, or any other creature. In order to do this, attend strictly to the sense of what you sing, and see that your heart is not carried away with the sound, but offered to God continually.”

With biblical and practical instructions such as these, as men, we should be joining in full-throated singing no matter how well or poorly we’re able to sing. And when we do, our voices will unite with the voices of others in communal utterances of praise, thanksgiving, confession, dedication, commitment, lament, and response. When this occurs, our songs will communicate vertically and horizontally in a unified voice so compelling that it can’t possibly be silenced. (Ps 30:12). And, consequently, the next generation will get it too.

This article first appeared on David’s blog, It is reposted here with permission.

Published April 8, 2022